I don’t know if I can do this. Go to work tomorrow I mean. Things keep changing there and I think they are for the good – but it’s getting back to where I’m sick to my stomach on Sundays just knowing I have to go back to work the next day.
There’s really something wrong with me. Mostly just that I’m a whiner I think. and worse – I’m a whiner with anxiety issues and a blog. 
Once again though – we are not keeping the AR/AP person. Have I told you how many we’ve been through the past couple of years? I’m so tired of training them. and then having to figure out what wasn’t done correctly and fix all the stuff after we decide to not keep them. It’s hard enough trying to do my job. But do that job also? Really really tiring. I’m not good at being depended on. And there’s this level of expectancy that is starting to occur. (I’m just rambling here guys – if it doesn’t make sense, keep in mind that you’re only getting about every third sentence because I just can’t type as fast as my thoughts.) But we’re going to “try” something for a month or so. Cause here’s the thing: W – my direct boss and one of the names over the door will not let me not be his assistant. Will not. the only way I will ever get away from that designation is to leave the firm. He’s used to me, we work fairly well together (I exasperate him, he frustrates me, but we’re used to each other), and I know all the secrets. Of his family that is. And believe me – there’s lots of them. because you see – I’m the one that ends up doing 1/2 the stuff that he says he’ll take care of. I’m the one making phone calls, I’m the one finding out the details, and currently – I’m the one who is keeping a budget, checkbook and making all the financial arrangements to get one of his kids out of debt. Which means that I’m also stressing all this. Cause I do that. stress over these things even though it’s not my money or my car or my house or any of the other stuff and does not actually directly involve me – I care. and I stress.
Seriously guys – I know it sounds funny and to me it frequently is – but here’s an example. First you have to understand that W does NOT have a computer in his office. He does not know how to use a computer at all. AT ALL. I print off his emails for him. (most people have no idea he doesn’t have a computer. a few years ago I made him tell a couple of his hunting friends because I was tired of opening up the 1/2 naked girls in camo with guns pictures.) Which also means I send all his emails. and one of those is the one each week where I sign him up for tennis on Sat. His club has games you sign up for if you want to play. And a few weeks ago – as we were evacuating our SERVER from the building when we HAD to be out by 4:00; and I’m standing in the hallway with my hands full trying to figure out a way we can carry a HUGELY heavy server (because the elevators are not working remember?) down the stairs, and I’ve got 3 or 4 people standing around talking at once to me, at me around me, etc. and it’s 3:57 and the security officer is standing there telling us we have to leave NOW – W is coming up to tell me to be sure and send an email to sign him up for tennis. And when I suggest that maybe this one time he CALL them himself (because he knows the # by heart) and tell them, he says that he will but that I need to email them to because they’re really bad about taking phone calls and not writing it down and he wants to make sure he’s scheduled to play and gets a spot. And he’s serious. And asked me the next day when he spoke to me when I was working from home trying to coordinate everyone else who was trying to work from home, and the phone lines and ALL the emails were being sent to me to sort out until we could figure out what else to do, if I had remembered to do that. Cause he really wanted to play on Sat. and if I didn’t get him signed up in time, blah, blah, blah.
So – I stress. I’m not good at running my own life. How did I get a job running his? and most of his family’s? But he’s not letting me go.
I’m also a legal secretary. I work for one of the attorneys and do all his typing and dictation. I only have one because I have W also. and all his work, which is actually not nearly as much as you might think, because he mostly checks on things that are drafted by the other attorney I have. and he does a lot of work – don’t get me wrong. W bills (honestly) around 7 – 8 hours a day. without padding at all. it’s just not drafting documents kind of work. but still – I have secretarial skills and I use them.
so that’s my job. mostly. I’m also the only other staff member who’s been there for almost 12 years. (The administrator has been there for almost 16. then there’s me. then there’s everyone else.) and I’m the on site computer network person. I’m the first line of defense if your computer doesn’t work. (I’m backed up though by an EXCELLENT network support company.) and I’m the person that if someone doesn’t know what the procedure is, or if the receptionist has to be gone for a few minutes, or copier is jammed, or the printer is out of toner, or you don’t know how to add postage to the postage meter, or the tree in your office just fell on you, or you don’t know how to find the pens that are on the shelf in the supply room where they’ve been longer than I’ve worked there – I’m the one who gets called. (and it was W the tree fell on by the way and actually I was laughing too hard to be much help. although I was the one who dragged it out of his office and switched it with the smaller one from the conference room because he wouldn’t stop griping about how it “looked” with a box sitting on the planter to keep it from tipping over again which was only a temporary fix till the plant people could get there and switch it out.)
NOW – add to this (and suddenly, really I’m starting to see why I get sick on Sundays. I hadn’t really spelled it out before. Not feeling like such a whiner right now. even though I know 1/2 of you handle this much also – I don’t think that makes it any less amazing for us to do.) but add to this, that I was also the billing/AP/AR person for years. About 7 in fact. I’ve only been a secretary for about 5 years. Which makes me the person to train the AP/AR people we’ve been going through. (here’s part of the problem. We need someone who can be a secretary AND the AP/AR person. and most of them can be one or the other. not both.) and when we’re in between AP/AR people, I’m the one doing that job. I’m setting up the files for new clients and new matters (we average 3 a day); inputting vouchers, cutting checks, paying bills; I keep the trust account and do the deposits and checks from it; inputting payments; and for the last week of the month, and the first week of the month – I run invoices. make the changes they want, run them again, run them in final, make additional changes, run them again, etc.
So – what we’re going to do for a test run though, is this. I am no longer going to be my one other attorney’s secretary. They are going to find a temp-to-perm secretary and bring her in. and I will no longer be a secretary (except to W – because we would never break him of the habit of handing me his stuff and it’s really not all that much anyway). I will be his assistant though still. (W’s) because as mentioned above – he will not let me go. I will also be the AP/AR person. And I will be the assistant administrator of the office.
I can’t do this. I am not dependable. I am a screw up. I consistently have trouble following through. I can manage to do things well for about 3 months. and then it all starts falling apart. and they are about to depend on me.
And I feel sick. I don’t think I can do this.
