****WARNING – religious ponderings follow. If you are offended by them or feel that you must argue with them, please do not read the following post. I will not argue re this. You have your beliefs – I have mine. I will answer questions (to the best of my ability)if you feel like you have some; I will clarify what I am thinking (to the best of my ability); but mostly – the following is in my head, and MUST come out. You do NOT have to read them though. Thank you.*****
Working through something here.
I struggle very very hard with money issues. I am really really bad at paying my bills. (The ones that are kind of important. House, electricity, water, etc. ) and if I ever miss one month, they snowball. And get completely out of control. (not that they were ever “IN” control in the first place.) Regardless – this is something that I keep going through cycles with.
I believe that God wants to deal with me on this though. I believe that he allows the crises to happen (threatened foreclosure, water/electricity turned off, etc.) so that I will stop STRUGGLING and let Him be Him. I beleive that based on how quickly the cycle keeps happening lately.
I also have a very hard time praising Him when these things are going on. But I also know that He demands my praise. And my thanks. I was created to worship Him first. Glorify Him second. Everything else – is just incidental.
We’re in a crunch right now. And every time it happens, I promise it won’t happen again. I promise I’ll do better. I promise. I promise I’ll be different. I promise.
God is living inside of me though. And I believe that what he wants from me is for ME to move and let Him be.
My promises are meaningless. He alone knows that better than anyone.
But He alone also knows how this will all end.
(and for the reference – if I don’t submit it’s going to get ugly.)
So – here’s some statements from me to God right now. That I mean right this minute. And I want to mean going forward.
I believe that God is love. Perfect, whole, unfailing, accepting, merciful, righteous – love. The kind of love we only have mere shadows of.
I believe that God demands my Praise. And that regardless of whether I understand that – I need to obey. But that taken into the context of the previous statement – that is not as scary as it seems on the surface.
I believe that I am the only one who is responsible for me and my choices. But that along the line, my parents (mostly) created a “shame grid” for me to operate in. I do not think they intended to do so. I do not think that pointing it out to them will do any good. I do not think that they are “bad” people. I do think they are human as am I. I do not “blame” them – but I do recognize that I am already at a great loss because of my background.
I believe that God speaks truth and only truth.
I believe the Bible is the Word of God spoken through man.
Therefore – based on the two previous:
There is NOW no condemnation for those who are in Christ (which I actually think is kind of worded backwards – He is in us)
Now
And now
And even now.
I hereby resolve to live in the Now. Right now where there is no condemnation. Not in the tomorrow that’s coming.
Now.
Now.
Oh yeh – now.
Still – NOW
