Knitting news

In other news (and the last post was long enough and if you’re a knitter, you don’t care about the other stuff you just want to know the knitting stuff, so it gets it’s own post.)

I learned the Turkish Cast-on today.  I’m going to have to frog it and do it again, but that was kind of the plan anyway.  I just cast on 20 stitches, just to learn how to do it.  Now I’ve got to figure out the right number.  Also – I didn’t do the increases at the beginning and end of each row.    I only did them at the beginning and it was starting to be wonky.    I’m still proud of myself though.  I like it – it’s pretty easy and it makes a perfect seam. 

I also overdyed a skein that I was pretty much hating.  I’m still not sure I like it, but at least I don’t hate it anymore.  I was playing with KoolAid and wanted something purple and red and got something that looked like someone with consumption had coughed it up.  I learned a LOT about dyeing with koolaid though through this process.  And honestly – the yarn itself.  Cause it’s held up pretty darn good.  Anyway – I overdyed it with cherry and now it’s mostly just reddish. (dried blood kind of red but still. better than it was.)  I haven’t decided yet.

Then I dyed another skein (of cheap wool) today to see how that went.  I like it much better, but the colors aren’t dark enough.  I’m still learning.  OH.  and one of the things I’m learning?  That wet wool and lemon-lime koolaid stuck in the microwave?  Puts off a smell that you can almost see.  Blorp.

and I spent several hours yesterday and today getting knots out of yarn.  and sadly?  WInding and untangling yarn is apparently the most exercise my arms get, because my shoulder is achy from it.  How sad is that!?  Seriously – it hurts and feels like I slept on it wrong and yet it’s all because of yarn.  (My budget does not allow for a purchase of a swift – but let me assure you – I will be going to get some pvc pipe or something very very soon.)

No pics (my shoulder hurts too much.    Not really) – but mostly cause I’m just tired and want to go to bed.  I’ll see what I can do about pics before I come back.

I don’t know

I don’t know if I can do this.  Go to work tomorrow I mean.  Things keep changing there and I think they are for the good – but it’s getting back to where I’m sick to my stomach on Sundays just knowing I have to go back to work the next day. 

There’s really something wrong with me.  Mostly just that I’m a whiner I think.  and worse – I’m a whiner with anxiety issues and a blog. 

Once again though – we are not keeping the AR/AP person.  Have I told you how many we’ve been through the past couple of years?  I’m so tired of training them.  and then having to figure out what wasn’t done correctly and fix all the stuff after we decide to not keep them.  It’s hard enough trying to do my job.  But do that job also?  Really really tiring.  I’m not good at being depended on.  And there’s this level of expectancy that is starting to occur.  (I’m just rambling here guys – if it doesn’t make sense, keep in mind that you’re only getting about every third sentence because I just can’t type as fast as my thoughts.)  But we’re going to “try” something for a month or so.  Cause here’s the thing:  W – my direct boss and one of the names over the door will not let me not be his assistant.  Will not.  the only way I will ever get away from that designation is to leave the firm.  He’s used to me, we work fairly well together (I exasperate him, he frustrates me, but we’re used to each other), and I know all the secrets.  Of his family that is.  And believe me – there’s lots of them.  because you see – I’m the one that ends up doing 1/2 the stuff that he says he’ll take care of.  I’m the one making phone calls, I’m the one finding out the details, and currently – I’m the one who is keeping a budget, checkbook and making all the financial arrangements to get one of his kids out of debt.  Which means that I’m also stressing all this.  Cause I do that.  stress over these things even though it’s not my money or my car or my house or any of the other stuff and does not actually directly involve me – I care.  and I stress.  

Seriously guys – I know it sounds funny and to me it frequently is – but here’s an example.  First you have to understand that W does NOT have a computer in his office.  He does not know how to use a computer at all.  AT ALL.  I print off his emails for him. (most people have no idea he doesn’t have a computer.  a few years ago I made him tell a couple of his hunting friends because I was tired of opening up the 1/2 naked girls in camo with guns pictures.)  Which also means I send all his emails.  and one of those is the one each week where I sign him up for tennis on Sat.  His club has games you sign up for if you want to play.  And a few weeks ago – as we were evacuating our SERVER from the building when we HAD to be out by 4:00; and I’m standing in the hallway with my hands full trying to figure out a way we can carry a HUGELY heavy server (because the elevators are not working remember?) down the stairs, and I’ve got 3 or 4 people standing around talking at once to me, at me around me, etc. and it’s 3:57 and the security officer is standing there telling us we have to leave NOW – W is coming up to tell me to be sure and send an email to sign him up for tennis.    And when I suggest that maybe this one time he CALL them himself (because he knows the # by heart) and tell them, he says that he will but that I need to email them to because they’re really bad about taking phone calls and not writing it down and he wants to make sure he’s scheduled to play and gets a spot.   And he’s serious.  And asked me the next day when he spoke to me when I was working from home trying to coordinate everyone else who was trying to work from home, and the phone lines and ALL the emails were being sent to me to sort out until we could figure out what else to do, if I had remembered to do that.  Cause he really wanted to play on Sat. and if I didn’t get him signed up in time, blah, blah, blah.

So – I stress. I’m not good at running my own life.  How did I get a job running his?  and most of his family’s?  But he’s not letting me go. 

I’m also a legal secretary.  I work for one of the attorneys and do all his typing and dictation.  I only have one because I have W also.  and all his work, which is actually not nearly as much as you might think, because he mostly checks on things that are drafted by the other attorney I have.   and he does a lot of work – don’t get me wrong.  W bills (honestly) around 7 – 8 hours a day.  without padding at all.  it’s just not drafting documents kind of work.  but still – I have secretarial skills and I use them.

so that’s my job.  mostly.  I’m also the only other staff member who’s been there for almost 12 years.  (The administrator has been there for almost 16. then there’s me.  then there’s everyone else.)  and I’m the on site computer network person.   I’m the first line of defense if your computer doesn’t work.  (I’m backed up though by an EXCELLENT network support company.)  and I’m the person that if someone doesn’t know what the procedure is, or if the receptionist has to be gone for a few minutes, or copier is jammed, or the printer is out of toner, or you don’t know how to add postage to the postage meter, or the tree in your office just fell on you, or you don’t know how to find the pens that are on the shelf in the supply room where they’ve been longer than I’ve worked there – I’m the one who gets called.  (and it was W the tree fell on by the way and actually I was laughing too hard to be much help.  although I was the one who dragged it out of his office and switched it with the smaller one from the conference room because he wouldn’t stop griping about how it “looked” with a box sitting on the planter to keep it from tipping over again which was only a temporary fix till the plant people could get there and switch it out.)

NOW – add to this (and suddenly, really I’m starting to see why I get sick on Sundays.  I hadn’t really spelled it out before.   Not feeling like such a whiner right now.  even though I know 1/2 of you handle this much also – I don’t think that makes it any less amazing for us to do.) but add to this, that I was also the billing/AP/AR person for years.  About 7 in fact.  I’ve only been a secretary for about 5 years.  Which makes me the person to train the AP/AR people we’ve been going through.  (here’s part of the problem.  We need someone who can be a secretary AND the AP/AR person.  and most of them can be one or the other.  not both.)  and when we’re in between AP/AR people, I’m the one doing that job.  I’m setting up the files for new clients and new matters (we average 3 a day); inputting vouchers, cutting checks, paying bills; I keep the trust account and do the deposits and checks from it; inputting payments; and for the last week of the month, and the first week of the month – I run invoices.  make the changes they want, run them again, run them in final, make additional changes, run them again, etc. 

So – what we’re going to do for a test run though, is this.  I am no longer going to be my one other attorney’s secretary.  They are going to find a temp-to-perm secretary and bring her in.  and I will no longer be a secretary (except to W – because we would never break him of the habit of handing me his stuff and it’s really not all that much anyway).  I will be his assistant though still.  (W’s)  because as mentioned above – he will not let me go.  I will also be the AP/AR person.  And I will be the assistant administrator of the office. 

I can’t do this.  I am not dependable.  I am a screw up.  I consistently have trouble following through.  I can manage to do things well for about 3 months.  and then it all starts falling apart.  and they are about to depend on me. 

And I feel sick.  I don’t think I can do this.

 

Harold

So – all the way home I’m thinking of what I want to write here.  editing, creating, etc.  Then I get home and I think – you know?  That would translate into an awful lot of typing!  And I just don’t wanna.  PLUS – it was a WHOLE lot of rambling that no body wants to read.

So – here’s the reader’s digest version.  (although I think it may still end up being pretty lengthy.  I’m just not capable of summarizing.  never have been – don’t ask me about a movie – I’ll tell you the whole thing.  Books too – can’t help it.)  Anyway.

My mom’s father is Harold.  He’s my maternal grandfather.  I’ve never been very fond of him – which is an awful thing to say on the surface but here wait.  Most of what I know of him are the bits and pieces mom has talked about as I’ve grown up about how awful it was when she was young.  You see, Harold went to WWII and came back and either was already or quickly became an alcoholic.  I have to say here – I have never seen him take a drink, and I have never seen alcohol in their house.  But then again – I almost never was in their house.

Mom tells stories about hiding in the back room while creditors knocked on the door.  Or how, several times, Grandpa would get his check on Friday and by the time he got home sometime Saturday (or even Sunday) it was gone.  Which meant no grocery money.  My grandmother never had a job her entire life.  So – needless to say – not having a paycheck because he drank it all or spent it on his girlfriend (I was not aware of those till the past year – mom had NEVER said anything about them before. ) was a real problem. 

By the time I entered the picture though – again, I’ve never seen him take a drink.  But we also were almost never at their house.  I saw these grandparents about twice a year.  Once at the Thanksgiving reunion (held at a cousin’s farm) and then again at Christmas time.   Both of them were smokers and my parents HATE the smell of smoke so we would never stay more than one night because the smell would get in our luggage, etc. and drove them crazy. 

During the summers when I was a little older (pre-teen) I would go and stay for a week with my other grandparents.  A whole week.  By myself.  I was never invited to mom’s parents house.  Never.  Not once. 

So during these few and far between visits – I never got to know Harold.  and as I got older and started hearing the stories (mom never talked about them till I was older) I never cared to try.  Neither did he for the reference.  I’m not positive he remembered my name 1/2 the time.  and I’m pretty certain he’s never known my child’s name.  Even though he saw him often.

4 years ago my grandmother died.  Rather suddenly actually – although not immediate.  She’d always been sickly and had a crummy dr (seriously – he should have been sued for malpractice) and would never change from him.  So by the time they actually figured out she had ovarian cancer, the tumor was as large as a small baby, distending her stomach.  she lived about another month after the diagnosis. 

Harold fell apart.  He did NOT know how to function without grandma there to take care of him.  He started wanting to die.  but very passively.  He was never actively seeking it – he just stopped eating, stopped getting out of bed, etc.

And so it began.  My mom and aunt (P) would start going over there every few weeks and making him get out of bed and making him eat.  At least that’s what my mom was doing.  I don’t think P ever did actually.  She’s pretty useless.  I’m not really fond of her either.  Mom would also wash his sheets, clean the house, etc. leave him some meals in the refrigerator, do some grocery shopping and buy things he could stick in the microwave, etc. 

Then every few months we’d have to put him in the hospital because he was so dehydrated and starved.

Mom started looking for a good assisted living, and P wouldn’t cooperate.  Mom got him a spot at this really nice community that has LOTS of activities, and people, and good care, and seriously?  I want to live there.  And P wouldn’t help mom.  Grandad didn’t want to go, cursed at my mom repeatedly every time she mentioned it, and was just mean to her.  And P would tell my mom she agreed but then not back mom up when they’d go to grandpa. 

About 2 years ago though – the dr’s told mom and P that grandad could NOT live on his own anymore.  and of course the fabulous community was full (it usually is) and he’d lost his spot, and we had to put him somewhere else that isn’t quite as nice.  but it was “only temporary” until a spot at the really nice place opened.  Which happened twice and P wouldn’t do it. 

In and out of the hospital with pneumonia.  on and off liquid food diets.  He keeps getting better and then going on a hunger strike.  over and over.

OH – and at some point P had told mom she and her husband would move in with Harold and take care of him so he wouldn’t have to leave his house.  I told mom she was lying to her and mom said no she’s not.  P lasted 2 weeks.  TWO WEEKS before she went home.  And you know what?  She didn’t tell mom for 3 months.  She’s useless.  Seriously. 

Anyway – upshot is – he’s been passively trying to die for 4 years.   and last night he got his wish.

Harold passed away last evening.  without ever telling my mother he loved her.  without ever telling her thank you for anything that she had ever done for him.

I’m supposed to be sad.  and I know it.  but mostly?  I’m just relieved because to me?  this means I don’t have to talk to P, her husband or her children ever again if I don’t want to.  (I kind of like 2 of her 3 children – they’re not totally useless.  the youngest one is even going to turn out pretty good I think.  The middle one – waste of space. the oldest – the closest to my age – he’s just pathetic.  I don’t dislike him, but I don’t like him either.  He’s just pathetic.)

and I’m worried for my mom.  She’s got major major unresolved issues.  She’s always had them.  but now we’re burying her last chance on Thursday.    And while I know that he was never going to change, she always hoped.  She has almost killed herself over the years trying to make him love her.  I don’t know why personally – although I do.  He was her father.  and she always had this idea of what family was supposed to be and she’s always tried to make her family fit it and they never have and don’t want to.  So I personally have resolved to create my own “family”.  and mostly – my family, those I call family, are the ones I choose.  But mom?  She’s just going to explode from shoving all this down again.  Which is exactly what she’s doing. 

So – I’m probably supposed to be doing some sort of epitaph for the man I called grandad.  But mostly – all I can think is “good riddance”.

No knitting going on here

****WARNING – religious ponderings follow.  If you are offended by them or feel that you must argue with them, please do not read the following post.  I will not argue re this.  You have your beliefs – I have mine.  I will answer questions (to the best of my ability)if you feel like you have some; I will clarify what I am thinking (to the best of my ability); but mostly – the following is in my head, and MUST come out.  You do NOT have to read them though.  Thank you.*****

Working through something here.

I struggle very very hard with money issues.  I am really really bad at paying my bills.  (The ones that are kind of important.  House, electricity, water, etc. )  and if I ever miss one month, they snowball.  And get completely out of control.  (not that they were ever “IN” control in the first place.)  Regardless – this is something that I keep going through cycles with. 

 I believe that God wants to deal with me on this though.  I believe that he allows the crises to happen (threatened foreclosure, water/electricity turned off, etc.) so that I will stop STRUGGLING and let Him be Him.   I beleive that based on how quickly the cycle keeps happening lately.

 I also have a very hard time praising Him when these things are going on.  But I also know that He demands my praise.  And my thanks.  I was created to worship Him first.  Glorify Him second.  Everything else – is just incidental. 

 We’re in a crunch right now.  And every time it happens, I promise it won’t happen again.  I promise I’ll do better.  I promise.  I promise I’ll be different.  I promise. 

God is living inside of me though.  And I believe that what he wants from me is for ME to move and let Him be. 

My promises are meaningless.  He alone knows that better than anyone.

But He alone also knows how this will all end. 

(and for the reference – if I don’t submit it’s going to get ugly.)

So – here’s some statements from me to God right now.  That I mean right this minute.  And I want to mean going forward. 

I believe that God is love.  Perfect, whole, unfailing, accepting, merciful, righteous – love.  The kind of love we only have mere shadows of. 

I believe that God demands my Praise.  And that regardless of whether I understand that – I need to obey.  But that taken into the context of the previous statement – that is not as scary as it seems on the surface.

I believe that I am the only one who is responsible for me and my choices.  But that along the line, my parents (mostly) created a “shame grid” for me to operate in.  I do not think they intended to do so.  I do not think that pointing it out to them will do any good.  I do not think that they are “bad” people.  I do think they are human as am I.  I do not “blame” them – but I do recognize that I am already at a great loss because of my background.

I believe that God speaks truth and only truth. 

I believe the Bible is the Word of God spoken through man.

Therefore – based on the two previous:

There is NOW no condemnation for those who are in Christ (which I actually think is kind of worded backwards – He is in us)

Now

And now

And even now.

I hereby resolve to live in the Now.  Right now where there is no condemnation.  Not in the tomorrow that’s coming.

Now.

Now.

Oh yeh – now.

Still – NOW

 

My family = me crazy

I have plans for this Sat. night. A friend of mine (H) is having her wedding reception. (She got married privately and now is having the party) I have known about this for a couple of months, and RSVP’d weeks ago. Little Man is VERY excited because another friend of mine who is a single mom (S) also is going to bring her daughter (B) over to my house and they are both going to be babysat by LM’s favorite babysitter (A). Which means he gets TWO of his “friends” over to play on Sat night at his house. He’s been counting down the days to this for 3 weeks. He’s so cute. It also means S and I get to share the cost of a babysitter – so ALL the way around it’s a win-win-win. I also happen to know that H’s new husband is a little upset about the costs of all this – which isn’t my problem at all – but does figure into the following a little bit because I know how much my “plate” costs at this thing, and it’s already been paid for because I RSVP’d and I know they’re having a little bit of a tiff about the whole thing. Which doesn’t mean he doesn’t want me specifically not to come or anything personal – and he’d be horrified to know that I know he’s irked about the cost at all – so not an issue. Just a “fact” in the back of my brain that this is a costly endeavor. Cause money is a major issue for H, S and me always. We were all single moms together till H got married, and S is getting married in late June. So money is a BIG concern for all of us.

NOW – this past Monday I get a call from my brother inviting me and LM to the lake this week. (He has a lake house a couple of hours away.) My brother and I have a history of conflict. We do not get along well. Actually that’s more of a DID not. Because for the last few years he’s really been trying to be a nicer person in general and that also extends over to me and I’ve been trying to get along with him, and we’ve been better. Not great – we’ll never be close – but you’re not guaranteed a fight when we’re together anymore. But all this means – that invitations to the lake are not common or the sort of situation where I can just say “hey I think we’ll go the lake this weekend” and be assured of our welcome.

But LM LOVES the lake. Loves loves loves going. And has been asking me for a couple of months when we were going to go. He also loves his family. (children bring out the best in us apparently – we try much harder to hide the conflicts around him) He has no idea how much we all dread being together. He loves us all impartially and loves spending time with any of them. (Even my brother. Which if you knew my brother you would know what an amazing thing it is that he’s been as friendly to LM as he has.)

My parents are also invited. And going on Sat. Which would normally mean that I would ride with them and not take my car. (My dad has a real thing about us ever taking 2 cars anywhere. And right now with gas prices what they are I can get behind that for the most part.)

But I want to go on Sunday.

****Knitting content***** (kind of) (Side track here for a second – I’m writing this out at work today in between working. And just now I was up and at someone else’s desk when one of my co-workers came along and is wearing a very pretty knitted cardigan style (looks like hand knit) sweater. She knows I’m a knitter (and sometimes crocheter), and I know she’s a crocheter and knitter. So I’m standing there studying her arm of her sweater and ask her if she made it. She laughed and said she doesn’t make clothes, she just makes blankets/spreads. But she got very amused because I was sitting there staring at it trying to figure out the pattern. and she asked me if I do that with people I don’t know and I had to admit that yes, actually I kind of do. Which she knows I’m very shy, don’t like talking to people I don’t know and never strike up conversations on the elevators or anything but here I am admitting to staring on occasion if something looks handknit. Knitting – total icebreaker. (And I think that while I could not figure out the pattern yet (I’m not that good/practised) there are many on ravelry who could – and regardless I could probably figure out something pretty darn close and what makes it so very pretty is the yarn anyway – so I’m thinking I could probably come really close to duplicating it……)

****** back to griping about my family. Knitting content over for now ******

When I told my father that I was going to still go on Sunday I got a 10 minute lecture from him about that. That was just ridiculous, I let what other people think of me matter too much, I shouldn’t let them “wag” me (that was my favorite really – I’m sorry – WHAT did you just say?!), it was going to cost me xx much more to do this, etc.

Which he’s right. It will cost more. I will have to buy my own gas to go over there and back. And it’s definitely not cheap right now. And there are some concerns about me driving my car that much. It’s very very old. And starting to sound and act it.

But – here’s my thing. (and I’ve chewed on this all day actually by now.) If I list out pros and cons without even factoring in letting others down, I’m still going to go to the reception on Sat and the lake on Sunday. I get to do EVERYTHING I’d already planned to do, make Little Man beside himself with happiness, and not be the one you can’t depend on. Oops – that actually is factoring in the letting others down – but I can’t help it. I don’t want to be that person. You know – the one you make plans with way in advance, but then they get what seems to them like a “better” offer of something to do so they flake out on you? Making you feel like you weren’t all that important to them and that their plans with you were just a placeholder so they’d have SOMETHING to do?

Another thing my dad said to me during this little lecture this AM was something along the lines of “things happen, they’ll understand.” And “you’ve had people disappoint you before”. Which – again – yes, I have. I don’t want to be that person though. And I certainly don’t want to teach my child that it’s OK to do that. I preach to him OFTEN that I don’t care what someone else is doing, I care what he does. And why he’s doing it. He’s the only one I’m responsible for. He’s the only one who I have any say over. I don’t care if you have friends your age who have sleepovers – I think you’re too young. I don’t care if they watch that TV show. You are not going to. Etc. (“If all your friends were jumping off a cliff would you jump?”) So it seems to me that morally the right decision, if I want to be the person I want to be, and I want to model the person I want my child to be, is for me to stick to my commitments and go to the lake on Sunday.

It also occurred to me at some point that if I go with them on Saturday, it would only be because I was letting my father “wag” me. And that I would have to spend that much longer with my whole family. (Trip time in the car going and coming – I hate being trapped in a car with my parents. Hate it. I can’t walk away when I don’t want to discuss whatever they want to discuss. Hate it.) Plus the whole extra day and night with all of them. Which is just that much more potential for conflict. I spend most of my time “braced” for a fight when I’m with them anyway – why would I want to do that for an extra day and ½?

Crazy making. All of them. (cause really? Who honestly obsesses and dissects their weekend plans to this degree besides me? Anyone?!?)

Well, isn’t this fun…

OK – first let’s get this out of the way.  I got nothing knit wise to show you.  Nada.  I being a n00b at the creating my own pattern, etc. guessed wrong on how much yarn I would need (even though – honestly?  I did get guage.  Really – I swatched and everything and the guage matches.)  I just didn’t realize how to measure correctly apparently to get enough to make the Hug & A Prayer blanket long enough.    SO – I’m extremely lucky that Jennifer is so very talented at her craft and understanding of n00b’s at the same time. which mostly means that I’m not even knitting on H&AP because I want to be able to alternate the newer skeins in with the older skeins just to hide any changes in the “dye lots”. (keep in mind – this is custom painted yarn. I’m EXTREMELY lucky Jennifer is a little bit insane, and enjoys a challenge.

In other news… My office is literally IN the news.  Well, not my specific office, but the building we are in.  There was an electrical fire somewhere the other night that damaged the HVAC and released chemicals.  So, yesterday when we went to work, the elevators weren’t working and neither was the HVAC.  BUt we had power, and they let us in the building, so off to work we all went.  Then, a little bit before 3 (~2:45) we get a phone call from building management that they are closing the building at 4.  Everyone out.  there will be NO power at all.  No excuses, no yelling, no negotiating, out.  AT 4.  Period.  Oh, and they wouldn’t be letting us back in till mid-day on Friday.  Hopefully.  90% certain we’d be back in by Friday.

Now – we are tax attorneys.  and back a couple of months ago a Tornado swept through downtown Atlanta and caused some damage.  and the IRS gave an automatic extension to everyone in Fulton County (and a couple of others) including the TAX PREPARER OFFICES located in Fulton County.  Free pass.  NO required filing of an extension, didn’t have to pay estimates, etc.  Totally free pass.  Till May 19. 

Our managing partner said – we were going to ignore this and continue to try and get all tax returns done by April 15 regardless.  Our tax manager (who I rather dislike) ignored him.  and no one called him on it because he gets the work done and no one else wants to do it.  (This is one of the main reasons I dislike him.  He’s got a Napoleon complex, and he’s allowed to get away with it.)

SO – NOW though – NOW we have lots and lots of tax returns that have to be done by May 19th.  Which is Monday.  and they were telling us with just about an hour to prepare that we had to be out of the building for ~2 days. 

We called our network support guys and one of them (actually the owner) came and helped us carry our servers out (down the stairs – because the elevators aren’t working remember?!?) and took them to their offices to at least figure out a way to give us access to our network.  but because we’re basically piggy-backing on their network, we can NOT redirect our mail to their or it would interfere with THEIR mail.  SO – all the emails are going to MY personal email address and I then have to forward it on. 

Our phones are not working – and we don’t even have the option of having a message saying we’re closed due to emergency repairs.  We don’t have the option of an “out of office reply” on our emails.  Our fax machine is not working.  We are not getting any mail (which also means payments), fedexes, or courier delivered packages. 

But it’s just till midday tomorrow – and OK.  we’ll deal.  (Although my legs?  Hurt today from going down that many steps.  I’m VERY out of shape and this really sucked.)

I got an email a little while ago from our office administrator.  she’d just been speaking with building management.   Guess what time we can get in tomorrow?

Tuesday.  May 20.

Knitblogging

Hmmmm… it’s been a while since I blogged.  And what do I have to show for it?  Erm….

Oh look!  Something shiny!

Didn’t work did it?  ::sigh:: Oh well then I guess I have to admit the truth.  I’ve gotten NOTHING finished since I last blogged.  I’ve made some progress though.  just not much.

April was sucked up by work though.  That deadline right in the middle of it?  Yeh.  I worked harder and more than I ever have.  (which is really sad if you knew the truth of it all)  but we’ve been down one support staff member since sometime in January.  Which means there are TWO secretaries for (hang on, counting…) 9 attorneys, 2 paralegals and the administrator.  cause whatever secretarying or running of the office that they need done – was done by us two.  and since I’ve been there 11+ years – I’m the one who knows how to do the billing, I’m the one who knows how to do the AP/AR and I’m the one that it mostly fell to.  In addition to my extremely high maintenance boss who got even more high maintenance whenever he saw he didn’t have my full attention.  Never mind that what I was doing was tasks that he has always said are the most important ones for the firm (billing).  He felt it necessary to prove again and again that we needed to find someone else to hire to share the load.  Which they were trying to do – as quickly as possible.  Can I just tell you though?  Not as easy as it sounds.

So – we’ve hired someone, tried to train her, and let her go, and hired someone else who’s on day 2 of her “temp-to-perm” assignment.  And guess who gets to train her?     I’m not very good at that when things need to get done.  I never have been.  I’m much more of a “move over and I’ll get it done” kind of person.  Which is fine when you want to get things done – just not so much of the training.  I’ve really had to work at being a different personality lately.  Yeesh.

Anyway – knitting-wise – when I have time to knit – I’ve been working the Hug & a Prayer blanket.  Which is going well – but slowly.    And hanging out on Ravelry.  Lots.    Really really lots.   

More later – my attention is gone. 

Doodlebops!

All righty – I haven’t blogged in ages and of course the last thing(s) I blogged were depressing and not something I wanted to point people towards!  So today I get a note that I’ve been linked from the Tsarina’s website.  Which while it may not be anything like being Harlotted – still is likely to send at least a few people over. 

 So – Hi!  Welcome!  Ignore the last couple of posts and I will resume knit-blogging shortly.  (Not this second though – I’m at work and probably going to get busted for all the time I spend on Ravelry already!)

(and of course they’ve changed the way this all looks since I last logged in so I’m floundering around even longer….  yeesh.)

ETA – see, already 4 hits and that was just 20 minutes ago.

That Bad

When is it “that bad”?  Everyone always says that phrase as if it’s an actual measure.  But you know, it’s different for everyone.  How do you know what constitutes “that bad” for someone else? 

In particular as regards to suicide.  We had a young woman who was married, with kids, kill herself this past week.  (her father and my boss are good friends – so it’s not someone close to us, but still.  It impacted us.)  sparked a conversation between my boss and myself about nothing being “that bad”.  But obviously – to her it was.  And today – I’m seeing partially from her point of view.  For whatever reason today – I get it.  I’m not saying I agree with suicide, or that I would actually commit it myself.  And I’m not trying to be dramatic or worry anyone or anything like that.  But today – I’m particularly irritated at the phrase “that bad”.  And people in general – their use of it. 

It’s different for everyone.  What is “that bad”.  Part of what makes us unique is our differences.  And part of those differences are the circumstances surrounding us and how we deal with them.  Or don’t deal with them as the case may be.

One thing that my boss and I were talking about was how selfish suicide is.  And it is.  I honestly believe it’s the most selfish act you can possibly commit.  But at the same time I can understand how you can convince yourself that your kids, your family, your friends, whatever would actually be better off without you.  And I don’t think society in general is very tolerant of that. 

(Sorry to be a downer today – just frustrated with cliches and meaningless words)

It’s here!

It’s here, and it’s swatched.  The color in the photo is a little bit darker cause it’s wet.  Now I gotta figure my gauge and cast on!